He knew he ate too much and he knew he ate too quickly and usually on a Saturday morning when he felt particularly heavy he often heard ‘quite a loud little voice ( auditory modality )’ in his head telling him he really had to lose a few pounds. The family were Jewish and went to Stephen’s parents on a Friday evening for a traditional dinner which was always too much with his mother insisting - Stephen said ‘ I can hear her voice now ( auditory modality )’- they ‘take some pudding home’ which they invariably did. He laughed and blamed his mother ( and Grandmother before her ) for loving him with food. Stephen also said he often felt tired which he put down to being overweight and when he was stressed he would snack. He hated going to the gym although he had tried it however he enjoyed playing golf at the weekends.
Stephen said he really enjoyed his food and looked forward to every meal almost as soon as he had finished the last one and if he went to a restaurant ( business or pleasure ) he would take ages choosing what to have and feel cheated if, when it came, it didn’t look better than everybody else’s meal. I wanted to decipher what cheated meant to Stephen ( using Neuro Linguistic Programming NLP ) so asked him what / what / how it made him feel cheated and whether all meals were the same – for example when his wife made him a meal for dinner did he feel cheated because he only got one choice. Did he ever skip meals How / What / When / to what effect etc and How did he eat/ When / Where etc. Stephen often felt that every meal was a ‘treat’ and never left anything over on his plate and he ate when he knew he was already full.
I considered that Stephen’s primary modality ( sense ) was auditory ( hearing ). It seemed as though his day went from meal to meal and special events and traditional evenings were accompanied by food and he never left anything on the plate. He relied on his wife for meals at home ( and she loved him with food ) and also he felt very comfortable with her. They had a good marriage ‘ and maybe I’ve let myself go a bit .’
We had become quite engrossed in breaking down and deciphering meaning with regards to Stephen’s relationship with food so to keep the discussion fresh I asked what he expected out of the therapy. He said he hoped it would press a permanent – not like the diets he had tried – magic switch in his mind so he didn’t eat so much. I said I took a completely different approach to diets since the very word diet insinuates you are giving up something and ‘the little voice your head’ will happily torment you with this. I said that I was happy not to look back at Stephen’s ‘food career’ from now on and instead look forwards to his new all round healthier lifestyle – not just healthy eating but drinking, exercise, relaxation, mind and so on. I suggested that Stephen’s relationship with food was more likely to be a symptom of something else and what would be interesting would be if we could decipher any causes.
Once the causes are identified we can work with them and the symptom may simply subside all by itself.
I asked if Stephen was happy to proceed on this basis which he was and then explained the plan of the session. I asked if he wanted me to record the session and post a disc to him and he said yes. We discussed how many sessions Stephen may need and I said that mostly I recommended 6 sessions approx for weight loss as that usually meant clients lost nearly a stone as well as learning an entire new approach to food, however I suggested Stephen have 3 sessions in the first instance as he was a bright young man and I suspected the therapy would resonate with him. He could always book more afterwards if he so wished. There would be a bit of homework to do however I did not expect it to take someone like Stephen very long. I said that making changes was not easy, and the next week or so would most likely be the most difficult however this was perfectly normal ( CBT can make you feel worse before you get better ) and anyway I would give him tools that he could ‘ call on ’( auditory ) should he need to.
I said we would do the personality test now and run through the results straight away and then we would enjoy some relaxation which included hypnosis. I asked if he had any questions and we discussed hypnosis briefly as he said ‘he did not think he would go into hypnosis but he would try.’ I asked if he ever day dreamed, or didn’t hear his wife calling his name when he was watching television to which he smiled and said yes. I said another word for hypnosis which is easier to grasp is trance – like being in a day dream trance – if he was capable of that then it was just as though he had been in hypnosis.
Hypnosis is simply focussed attention- switching off the critical analytical left brain and opening up the more creative right brain to allow change to occur. He could open his eyes at any time.
Stephen was fine with the explanation and given that it was his money I was spending I left it at that.
I then took out the Warriors Settlers Nomads personality test ( Terence Watts ) and ran down the 15 questions with Stephen. He was required to answer from 0 – 10 questions like
‘ How comfortable are you at sticking to your guns ?
How comfortable are you at speaking your mind ? ’
and so on however the questions were loaded to expose any conflicts that a client may be unaware of in their lives. For example Stephen answered 9 to
‘How easy going or tolerant are you ? ’ but also answered 8 to
‘How comfortable are you at sticking to your guns ?’
which demonstrated quite a deep conflict. He also said 8 to
‘ How much do you try to protect the feelings of others ? ’ and 9 to
‘ How methodical and fussy are you ?’ which also showed a conflict and so on.
Stephen was fascinated with the results and even more fascinated when we discussed that his inner conflicts could easily manifest themselves externally as stress ( he ate when he was stressed ) and furthermore that until Stephen went some way to at least understanding and being aware of them preferably resolving ( or at least accepting them ) then the stress would remain and so would the symptom ( the eating ).
Any ‘diet’ or better word ‘ change’ that did not address his inner conflicts would have little chance of working because it was only a temporary superficial fix.
We also discussed the broader aspect of the test that broke the answers down into three categories namely Warrior / Settler / Nomad. I explained that there is a school of thought that supposes if we trace humans back to our ancient ancestors then at that time they could be seen as living in tribes divided into warriors ( that fought for the land and food ), settlers ( who settled the land and formed villages ) and nomads who didn’t belong to either group by choice and lived on the outskirts drifting happily from village to village as they wished.
The supposition is that modern man has retained these basic archetype traits in their DNA and as such we are all made up of parts of them.
Stephen’s totals indicated his personality was 41% Warrior, 27% Settler and 33% Nomad. We discussed his answers together and the relation of them to the archetype theory and his life in general. I then explained to Stephen that if he liked the concept then he could use it to his advantage. If he found himself ( Stephen the Warrior – his dominant archetype ) in a situation that required a ‘ Settler style negotiation ( eg. mediating at a meeting ) he could ‘ swop to the Settler part of him, use the Settler skills as required to resolve a situation and then swop back to being Stephen the Warrior to ‘close the deal.’ ( I knew he was a salesman for a large company ). Stephen grasped the concept immediately and liked the fact that it was based on ancient DNA. He understood that he could also use the three archetypes within him to resolve conflicts within himself – What would the Settler in Stephen ‘say’ ( auditory ), What would the Warrior say/ Nomad say etc. If they could have a conversation with each other, what would they say ? How/ When etc.
Stephen now believed that if he could become aware of his inner conflicts and start to understand them better then he may just be able to take some of the internal stress out of his life….and that may alleviate the years old symptom of his relationship with not just food, but the way he lives his life in general. I promised to email Stephen the test with his results and leant him my Warriors Settlers Nomads book which I encouraged him to read firstly because he seemed to be fascinated with the theory, but also because it contained a lot of common sense and self help techniques that Stephen may find interesting on a personal growth level and also for application at work. Stephen also quite liked the aspect that he could ‘ blame ’ his Warrior part for example if he felt he had been too controlling as opposed to feeling guilty for days himself personally. It ‘ took the heat ’ out of a situation – he liked the dissociation.
I was aware that we had worked hard and suggested that we pick up a similar theme at the next session but for now enjoy some rest and relaxation that would help Stephen to focus inwards and find inner strength from Stephen as opposed to looking outwards for support eg. from other people for example his mother at Friday night dinner who was offering him that second helping of food – ‘loving him with food’ ( utilization of clients own words ). This lead to a brief discussion that Stephen thought his mother would be offended if he refused the customary second helping of food however ‘ had he ever asked her if she would be offended ? what did Stephen think she would do if he did refuse the second helping ? specifically what made Stephen think she would be offended etc. ( NLP Meta Model responses ). Stephen finally concluded that it was
Stephen who was making the assumptions about his mother with no evidence to support them at all
– so in future he felt he could now refuse the second helping. We visualised what he would say ( auditory ) and how it would feel and anchored it in his right hand thumb and forefinger.
I suggested he sit back and make himself comfortable in the chair. I said he was welcome to close his eyes whenever he wished to make himself more comfortable and assured him that if he wanted to open them at any time then that would be fine too.
I avoided a long traditional induction as Stephen had already said that he did not think he would ‘go into hypnosis ’ and moved quickly into guided imagery to capture his attention. I wanted Stephen to begin to focus and rely on Stephen and trust himself more so that he had solid foundations on which to build his changes / new life and to give him a sense of protecting himself first and foremost in order to soften some of the conflicts within him and in time alleviating his presenting symptom -
Extracts of Stephen’s script follow :
‘All right Stephen……….you can begin by taking in a few deep relaxing breaths and getting yourself comfortable………let each breath relax you and let your thoughts run loose for a while until they tire themselves out …and little by little they can slow……..becoming very slow……….so that more and more of your mental energy can be spent on learning at the deepest levels within yourself…………’
‘………..and it’s interesting to observe evolution….what the experience of development is like……….and Stephen I know you have a young son ………….and you are so proud of him………….and you want to be there for him as he grows up ……..and how wonderful is it to see a newly born baby…………….and no one really knows whether the baby thinks or what the baby thinks… …’
‘…………………and little by little…that baby learns this is my body…..and it is separate and distinct from any other part of the world…from all other people and places and things……’
‘………..and each square inch of your skin…is a boundary…between your inner world and the outer world………’
‘….…and all I know is that the ability to walk into an open space has at one level unlimited freedom…….but at another level…where’s the structure to guide experience meaningfully ?……..’
‘……..…and with all the different possibilities your unconscious mind can…really without any real effort on your part…it can plan and build……’
‘………..and you can open the front door of that house….your house….today and you can start a new life……enjoying everything around you……..enjoying being alive, feeling good to be alive, with a calm, peaceful mind……relaxed, at ease, living with reverence of being alive, and enjoying every aspect of it……being aware how good it is to move, and exercise and be active……..how good it is to be strong and healthy…….and have a wonderful healthy body….and a healthy, wonderful, calm mind……………..starting today it can feel so good when you exercise….when you walk a little quicker along a fairway……….onwards towards the next green
( Stephen plays golf ) and up the hill……..a quicker pace than you have walked before………’
‘……………..when you move…when you walk….you’re going to feel good to be able to control your body……and to feel how good it is to be strong and healthy………..’
[ Extracts of script only ]
Stephen re-orientated well and said that he had very much enjoyed the relaxation. He thought he had heard everything I said although he drifted off at some points. We chatted briefly as I did not want to over analyze the relaxation and for Stephen to make it his own. I loaned him the Warriors Settlers Nomad book and said I would email him his personality test. I suggested that he re-charged his anchor ( by squeezing his forefinger and thumb together during happy thoughts / positive feelings / when he made a good food selection / when he drank water / if he walked slightly quicker than he normally did etc. so that ‘when he needed it, it was full.’ ) I suggested his homework was to buy a book on healthy lifestyle that included a calorie counter and daily allowance chart to give him background information on everything that he may choose to eat. I was keen to say that he should enjoy whatever he wanted to eat – he was not on a diet – and not to look back at his food career.
Rather look forward to his new healthy lifestyle and enjoy the same control he enjoyed at work and apply it to lifestyle choices he was now making.
I gave him the CD disc that I give all new clients which included support material for his session.
I asked if he would be happy to look at his core beliefs and values in the next session which he was content to do. I also suggested he may even enjoy going to the supermarket with his wife and boy and being part of the buying process – selecting healthier options by choice. I gave him a litre bottle of very nice mineral water in a glass bottle as a start. I said I would post him the recording of the session.
Stephen thanked me for my time and shook my hand again and we agreed to meet in a few days time.