Weight control.

Related subjects : Self-esteem, Locus of Control,  Archetypes,  Personality Test / identifying conflicts,  Causes v Symptoms,  Weight Loss,  Neuro Linguistic Programming ( NLP ),  Cognitive Behavioural Therapy ( CBT ).

Thankyou for visiting my website.  I have detailed below a case study and hope that it illustrates to you how I operate.  It is only a single example of my work.  I hope that some of it is of interest to you and if you feel that we can work together please do not hesitate to call me for a no obligation chat.  If you simply enjoy reading it – then that’s fine too.  Some of the information has been changed for confidentiality purposes.

Stephen.

Initial conversation –

Stephen called me at 9am one morning from his car and said that he had seen my website and would like to lose some weight and asked if he could book an appointment. I asked if he had 10-15mins to give me some background information however he said he would prefer to talk though everything when he saw me since he was driving.  He said he knew what my fees were and they seemed in line with other therapists he had looked at. He said my office was 10mins from his home and that was why he had called me. I said to Stephen that whilst I usually liked to get some background information beforehand as he was driving I was happy to book him an appointment however was he on ‘hands free’ and if so I would like to ask him just one question that I ask anyone interested in my services. He said yes so I asked

 ‘ does he truly want to lose weight / initiate change in his life ? ’

There was a slight pause and then he said he was ‘sick of dieting and it not working and wanted to try something else.’ I was wary of the ‘ something else ’ comment as I did not want Stephen to see the therapy as part of a list of options – ie.  if he did not achieve his goal with me, then he could simply ‘try something else.’  I said it would be really helpful to me if Stephen could tell me what he had seen on my website that indicated to him that I could help him and he said he knew a few people who had given up smoking successfully using hypnotherapy so he believed it may help with his weight loss and also he was stressed quite a lot of the time and thought I may be able to help him relax as well.

I confirmed that hypnotherapy could certainly help with both of those things,  thanked him for his time and we booked an appointment.  I asked Stephen if it would be ok for me to email or post him my information pack which included fees,  terms of business,  client intake registration form and consent form etc and asked that he please complete the necessary forms and get them back to me – they could be returned electronically – before our first appointment as the information would be of assistance to me and would save precious time in his appointment.  I said I was looking forward to meeting him,  assured him of complete confidentiality. I said he was welcome to record the session if he so wished – or I could do it for him – as he had booked a 6.30-8pm appointment after work.

I emailed Stephen the information pack and confirmed his appointment.

Preparation –

Stephen had returned his client intake registration form.  He is 28 years old and the third child of three boys.  He works as salesman for a property company and is married to Jill and they have a 1 year old son, Daniel.  Under issues that he would like to resolve he had written ‘I would like to lose some weight ’ and under outcomes he was looking for he had written ‘ I would like to lose about 20kilos.’  He wrote that failed diets and almost daily business lunches stopped him achieving his goal.  Stephen was not taking any medication and did not wear glasses or contact lenses ( important to know if I am going to ask him to close his eyes for hypnosis ).  He listed golf and playing the guitar under hobbies and interests.

I had not been able to gain much information from Stephen on the telephone for example his primary modality,  his mood,  tone,  concerns or any background to his presenting condition so was not able to do my usual level of preparation.  I suspected that having talked through Stephen’s intake form,  any expectations/ misconceptions he may have and some information about how I work,  I would probably decide to do a simple personality test with Stephen ( if he was happy to doso ) to try and ascertain what were the causes of his symptom ( possibly conflicts ) ie his weight –

‘ You should keep in mind that success in many cases may require that you use hypnotic strategies for unconscious exploration and for internal conflict resolution in connection with ( or prior to ) suggestive hypnotherapy.  A simplistic approach to a complex addictive problem,  whether in hypnosis or psychotherapy,  will seldom be affective ’ – Hypnotic Suggestions and Metaphors Hammond 1990

I printed off a personality test that was based on defining ‘ Who Do You Think You Are. ’  I planned to do some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy ( CBT ) with to establish what his thoughts were and to help him generate some more helpful thoughts,  anchor a good feeling that Stephen could use and re-charge after the session and then hypnosis that would hopefully encourage Stephen to start to begin to focus more internally,  improve his self-esteem and confidence and provide him with a new ‘safe house for permanent change.’  I wanted to concentrate on causes rather than symptoms and if appropriate ( I would have to confirm this with Stephen in the session ) more on his general wellbeing as opposed to just losing weight,  thus diminishing the presenting condition in Stephen’s perception/awareness.

I also wanted to ask Stephen if he would keep a journal of his thoughts and experiences over the coming weeks about anything and everything,  not just food and weight.  I hoped Stephen would begin to see therapy as an opportunity for all round personal growth ( internal locus of control ) as opposed to just something that helped him lose weight ( external locus of control ).

The Session.

Tuesday 6.30-8pm.

Stephen arrived on time and said that he had left work early so he could ‘ nip home and get changed first.’ He was warm and friendly and shook my hand.  I invited him into my office and we sat down easily.  I thanked him for returning his forms.  I said it would be really useful for me if he could give me some background information relating to what he hoped the therapy could achieve ( expectations ) and anything about his desire to lose weight that he felt relevant.  I asked if he minded me taking a few notes as we hadn’t managed to talk for long when he first called.

Stephen said that he had tried many times to lose weight on various diets and some had been successful however he always put the weight back on,  and more this time.   He said he knew he was overweight and did very much want to lose some weight.  He felt unhealthy and the birth of his son Daniel ( 1year old ) had made him ‘hear alarm bells ( auditory modality )’ and cause him to think about his health more closely.  However Daniel had been born a year ago and Stephen had actually put on weight since then. 

He said his wife cooked all his meals ( he couldn’t cook ), 

he was always in business lunch meetings

and he enjoyed eating in restaurants. 

He knew he ate too much and he knew he ate too quickly and usually on a Saturday morning when he felt particularly heavy he often heard ‘quite a loud little voice ( auditory modality )’ in his head telling him he really had to lose a few pounds.  The family were Jewish and went to Stephen’s parents on a Friday evening for a traditional dinner which was always too much with his mother insisting  - Stephen said ‘ I can hear her voice now ( auditory modality )’- they ‘take some pudding home’ which they invariably did. He laughed and blamed his mother ( and Grandmother before her ) for loving him with food. Stephen also said he often felt tired which he put down to being overweight and when he was stressed he would snack. He hated going to the gym although he had tried it however he enjoyed playing golf at the weekends.

Stephen said he really enjoyed his food and looked forward to every meal almost as soon as he had finished the last one and if he went to a restaurant ( business or pleasure )  he would take ages choosing what to have and feel cheated if,  when it came,  it didn’t look better than everybody else’s meal. I wanted to decipher what cheated meant to Stephen ( using Neuro Linguistic Programming NLP ) so asked him what / what / how it made him feel cheated and whether all meals were the same – for example when his wife made him a meal for dinner did he feel cheated because he only got one choice.  Did he ever skip meals How / What / When / to what effect etc and How did he eat/  When / Where  etc.  Stephen often felt that every meal was a ‘treat’ and never left anything over on his plate and he ate when he knew he was already full.

I considered that Stephen’s primary modality ( sense ) was auditory ( hearing ).  It seemed as though his day went from meal to meal and special events and traditional evenings were accompanied by food and he never left anything on the plate.  He relied on his wife for meals at home ( and she loved him with food ) and also he felt very comfortable with her.  They had a good marriage ‘ and maybe I’ve let myself go a bit .’

We had become quite engrossed in breaking down and deciphering meaning with regards to Stephen’s relationship with food so to keep the discussion fresh I asked what he expected out of the therapy.  He said he hoped it would press a permanent – not like the diets he had tried – magic switch in his mind so he didn’t eat so much.  I said I took a completely different approach to diets since the very word diet insinuates you are giving up something and ‘the little voice your head’ will happily torment you with this.  I said that I was happy not to look back at Stephen’s ‘food career’ from now on and instead look forwards to his new all round healthier lifestyle – not just healthy eating but drinking,  exercise,  relaxation, mind and so on.  I suggested that Stephen’s relationship with food was more likely to be a symptom of something else and what would be interesting would be if we could decipher any causes. 

Once the causes are identified we can work with them and the symptom may simply subside all by itself.

I asked if Stephen was happy to proceed on this basis which he was and then explained the plan of the session.  I asked if he wanted me to record the session and post a disc to him and he said yes.  We discussed how many sessions Stephen may need and I said that mostly I recommended 6 sessions approx for weight loss as that usually meant clients lost nearly a stone as well as learning an entire new approach to food,  however I suggested Stephen have 3 sessions in the first instance as he was a bright young man and I suspected the therapy would resonate with him.  He could always book more afterwards if he so wished.  There would be a bit of homework to do however I did not expect it to take someone like Stephen very long. I said that making changes was not easy,  and the next week or so would most likely be the most difficult however this was perfectly normal ( CBT can make you feel worse before you get better ) and anyway I would give him tools that he could ‘ call on ’( auditory ) should he need to. 

I said we would do the personality test now and run through the results straight away and then we would enjoy some relaxation which included hypnosis.  I asked if he had any questions and we discussed hypnosis briefly as he said ‘he did not think he would go into hypnosis but he would try.’  I asked if he ever day dreamed,  or didn’t hear his wife calling his name when he was watching television to which he smiled and said yes.  I said another word for hypnosis which is easier to grasp is trance – like being in a day dream trance – if he was capable of that then it was just as though he had been in hypnosis. 

Hypnosis is simply focussed attention- switching off the critical analytical left brain and opening up the more creative right brain to allow change to occur. He could open his eyes at any time.

Stephen was fine with the explanation and given that it was his money I was spending I left it at that.

I then took out the Warriors Settlers Nomads personality test ( Terence Watts ) and ran down the 15 questions with Stephen.  He was required to answer from 0 – 10 questions like

‘ How comfortable are you at sticking to your guns ? 

How comfortable are you at speaking your mind ? ’

and so on however the questions were loaded to expose any conflicts that a client may be unaware of in their lives.  For example Stephen answered 9 to

‘How easy going or tolerant are you ? ’ but also answered 8 to

 ‘How comfortable are you at sticking to your guns ?’

which demonstrated quite a deep conflict.  He also said 8 to

‘ How much do you try to protect the feelings of others ? ’ and 9 to

‘ How methodical and fussy are you ?’ which also showed a conflict and so on. 

Stephen was fascinated with the results and even more fascinated when we discussed that his inner conflicts could easily manifest themselves externally as stress ( he ate when he was stressed ) and furthermore that until Stephen went some way to at least understanding and being aware of them preferably resolving ( or at least accepting them ) then the stress would remain and so would the symptom ( the eating ).

Any ‘diet’  or better word ‘ change’  that did not address his inner conflicts would have little chance of working because it was only a temporary superficial fix.

We also discussed the broader aspect of the test that broke the answers down into three categories namely Warrior / Settler / Nomad.  I explained that there is a school of thought that supposes if we trace humans back to our ancient ancestors then at that time they could be seen as living in tribes divided into warriors ( that fought for the land and food ),  settlers ( who settled the land and formed villages ) and nomads who didn’t belong to either group by choice and lived on the outskirts drifting happily from village to village as they wished. 

The supposition is that modern man has retained these basic archetype traits in their DNA and as such we are all made up of parts of them. 

Stephen’s totals indicated his personality was 41% Warrior,  27% Settler and 33% Nomad.  We discussed his answers together and the relation of them to the archetype theory and his life in general.  I then explained to Stephen that if he liked the concept then he could use it to his advantage.  If he found himself ( Stephen the Warrior – his dominant archetype ) in a situation that required a ‘ Settler style negotiation ( eg. mediating at a meeting ) he could ‘ swop to the Settler part of him,  use the Settler skills as required to resolve a situation and then swop back to being Stephen the Warrior to ‘close the deal.’ ( I knew he was a salesman for a large company ).  Stephen grasped the concept immediately and liked the fact that it was based on ancient DNA.  He understood that he could also use the three archetypes within him to resolve conflicts within himself – What would the Settler in Stephen ‘say’ ( auditory ),  What would the Warrior say/  Nomad say  etc.  If they could have a conversation with each other,  what would they say ? How/  When etc.

Stephen now believed that if he could become aware of his inner conflicts and start to understand them better then he may just be able to take some of the internal stress out of his life….and that may alleviate the years old symptom of his relationship with not just food,  but the way he lives his life in general.  I promised to email Stephen the test with his results and leant him my Warriors Settlers Nomads book which I encouraged him to read firstly because he seemed to be fascinated with the theory,  but also because it contained a lot of common sense and self help techniques that Stephen may find interesting on a personal growth level and also for application at work. Stephen also quite liked the aspect that he could ‘ blame ’ his Warrior part for example if he felt he had been too controlling as opposed to feeling guilty for days himself personally.  It ‘ took the heat ’ out of a situation – he liked the dissociation.

I was aware that we had worked hard and suggested that we pick up a similar theme at the next session but for now enjoy some rest and relaxation that would help Stephen to focus inwards and find inner strength from Stephen as opposed to looking outwards for support eg. from other people for example his mother at Friday night dinner who was offering him that second helping of food – ‘loving him with food’ ( utilization of clients own words ). This lead to a brief discussion that Stephen thought his mother would be offended if he refused the customary second helping of food however ‘ had he ever asked her if she would be offended ? what did Stephen think she would do if he did refuse the second helping ? specifically what made Stephen think she would be offended etc. ( NLP Meta Model responses ).   Stephen finally concluded that it was

Stephen who was making the assumptions about his mother with no evidence to support them at all

 – so in future he felt he could now refuse the second helping.  We visualised what he would say ( auditory ) and how it would feel and anchored it in his right hand thumb and forefinger.

I suggested he sit back and make himself comfortable in the chair.  I said he was welcome to close his eyes whenever he wished to make himself more comfortable and assured him that if he wanted to open them at any time then that would be fine too. 

I avoided a long traditional induction as Stephen had already said that he did not think he would ‘go into hypnosis ’ and moved quickly into guided imagery to capture his attention.  I wanted Stephen to begin to focus and rely on Stephen and trust himself more so that he had solid foundations on which to build his changes / new life and to give him a sense of protecting himself first and foremost in order to soften some of the conflicts within him and in time alleviating his presenting symptom -

Extracts of Stephen’s script follow :

 

‘All right Stephen……….you can begin by taking in a few deep relaxing breaths and getting yourself comfortable………let each breath relax you and let your thoughts run loose for a while until they tire themselves out …and little by little they can slow……..becoming very slow……….so that more and more of your mental energy can be spent on learning at the deepest levels within yourself…………’

‘………..and it’s interesting to observe evolution….what the experience of development is like……….and Stephen I know you have a young son ………….and you are so proud of him………….and you want to be there for him as he grows up ……..and how wonderful is it to see a newly born baby…………….and no one really knows whether the baby thinks or what the baby thinks… …’

‘…………………and little by little…that baby learns this is my body…..and it is separate and distinct from any other part of the world…from all other people and places and things……’

‘………..and each square inch of your skin…is a boundary…between your inner world and the outer world………’

‘….…and all I know is that the ability to walk into an open space has at one level unlimited freedom…….but at another level…where’s the structure to guide experience meaningfully ?……..’

‘……..…and with all the different possibilities your unconscious mind can…really without any real effort on your part…it can plan and build……’

 

‘………..and you can open the front door of that house….your house….today and you can start a new life……enjoying everything around you……..enjoying being alive,  feeling good to be alive,  with a calm, peaceful mind……relaxed,  at ease,  living with reverence of being alive,  and enjoying every aspect of it……being aware how good it is to move,  and exercise and be active……..how good it is to be strong and healthy…….and have a wonderful healthy body….and a healthy,  wonderful,  calm mind……………..starting today it can feel so good when you exercise….when you walk a little quicker along a fairway……….onwards towards the next green

( Stephen plays golf ) and up the hill……..a quicker pace than you have walked before………’

‘……………..when you move…when you walk….you’re going to feel good to be able to control your body……and to feel how good it is to be strong and healthy………..’

[ Extracts of script only ]

Stephen re-orientated well and said that he had very much enjoyed the relaxation.  He thought he had heard everything I said although he drifted off at some points.  We chatted briefly as I did not want to over analyze the relaxation and for Stephen to make it his own.  I loaned him the Warriors Settlers Nomad book and said I would email him his personality test.  I suggested that he re-charged his anchor ( by squeezing his forefinger and thumb together during happy thoughts / positive feelings / when he made a good food selection / when he drank water / if he walked slightly quicker than he normally did etc. so that ‘when he needed it,  it was full.’ ) I suggested his homework was to buy a book on healthy lifestyle that included a calorie counter and daily allowance chart to give him background information on everything that he may choose to eat.  I was keen to say that he should enjoy whatever he wanted to eat – he was not on a diet – and not to look back at his food career. 

Rather look forward to his new healthy lifestyle and enjoy the same control he enjoyed at work and apply it to lifestyle choices he was now making.

I gave him the CD disc that I give all new clients which included support material for his session.

I asked if he would be happy to look at his core beliefs and values in the next session which he was content to do. I also suggested he may even enjoy going to the supermarket with his wife and boy and being part of the buying process – selecting healthier options by choice. I gave him a litre bottle of very nice mineral water in a glass bottle as a start. I said I would post him the recording of the session.

Stephen thanked me for my time and shook my hand again and we agreed to meet in a few days time.

Thursday 6.30-8pm

Preparation –

We had previously booked for Monday but Stephen brought it forward to give him a boost before Friday night dinner at his parent’s house.  It was always a food event.  When he re-scheduled the appointment I asked that he mention to his Mum ( and family,  friends and colleagues ) that he is now ( present tense,  right here / right now – CBT – don’t look back etc ) going to lose ( not trying to lose ) a few pounds and as such would very much appreciate her ( their ) support so that he did not feel it would be an ‘ issue ’ on the Friday night ( at business lunches / in restaurants ). I asked if he had bought a book about healthy eating / living which he had and

he now knew how to calculate the calories he was eating and what his daily allowance was ( and that he had to reduce it to lose weight and / or exercise ). 

I wanted to work with Stephen on core beliefs this evening and more importantly to help him realise how those beliefs were structured / when they may have been formed and that some may benefit from a little updating to serve him in a more healthy way. I had printed my Precision Model hand exercise onto card.  I thought Stephen would grasp it well intellectually as well as physiologically – he enjoyed playing golf which required many skills including a good grip and I wanted to utilise his ‘hands’ and ‘ grip’ in the session. I wanted to continue to encourage Stephen to focus inwards on Stephen as opposed to relying on external influences which we had already identified could cause conflict and misunderstanding – this exercise would help Stephen achieve this and I thought it would help him also as a salesman at work since he could apply the same language he was using to challenge his own beliefs to decipher meaning with other people. With Stephen beginning to trust and understand himself better there would be less internal conflicts and he would be better prepared to face the challenge of losing weight and leading a healthier lifestyle mentally and physically.

I wanted to utilize control – Stephen had a job that required controlling strategies,  he played golf which required control which he enjoyed.

I wanted him to use a skill he was adept at using ie control on his presenting symptom ( primarily his weight loss programme ).

I wanted to illustrate to Stephen the power of his mind with two simple exercises so that he could begin to trust and rely on himself ( internal locus ).

The Session - 

Stephen was on time for his appointment. He brought the book that he had bought on healthy eating,  calorie counting and optimum calories for height,  build,  gender.  He said he had also made the effort to go to the supermarket with his wife and had re-charged his anchor ( by squeezing this right forefinger and thumb together ) when he was looking at healthy food. He admitted he had been quite sceptical about ‘anchoring’ however he was surprised to acknowledge that it was working for him. I encouraged him not just to recharge his anchor with thoughts of healthy food but also happy moments with his boy for example,  or the strong confident feeling he gets when he closes a sales deal,  or an amused feeling from sharing a joke with his wife and so on ( I wanted to broaden Stephen’s perspective away from simply a food related treatment programme ) and to also recharge it with related comments that he may have heard at the time or said himself.  Stephen’s primary modality was auditory and I wanted him to recharge his anchor with words so that when he ‘fired off’ his anchor when he needed it he not only felt the feeling ( kinaesthetic ) he had stored up in it but also ‘heard’ ( auditory )  relevant words and phrases and ‘saw’ ( visual ) healthy food – thus appealing not only to his primary modality but also visual and kinaesthetic and therefore improving the effectiveness and longevity of the anchor.

We had a brief chat about the contents of the book and that losing weight was about taking in either less calories than the recommended daily in take and / or exercising. 

We discussed cravings and reframed them as associations that would pass quickly if Stephen noticed when they hooked his attention and then reminded himself they were associations. 

I said this would take practice however it would become easier and automatic.

I wanted to focus Stephen’s attention on the session so asked if he would like to do two simple exercises that would show him the power of his mind – the resource that he would be using to sustain his weight loss programme and healthier lifestyle.  I asked him to swop chairs with me ( I wanted Stephen to see this as an active part of the session not a relaxation phase since we were going to work hard after these two exercises and I was aware it was an evening session  – we recorded the session again ) and then pull the chair towards my desk so that he was able to rest his elbows on the desk and clasp his hands infront of him at chin level.

We then proceeded with the two exercises which address issues with the conscious and unconscious mind and also perceptions of what ‘ should or should not happen. ’  They illustrate that there is no right or wrong answer.

We chatted about how both exercises illustrated the power of Stephen’s own mind and about the power of the unconscious mind to control your body and feelings at any time, even when you are not in hypnosis again to focus Stephen on Stephen – internal locus of control. To help Stephen trust and believe in Stephen ( which would have ramifications not just with regards to his desired outcome – to lose weight – but also in work / social life etc ).

We then decided to focus on Stephen’s core beliefs and values and the relevance of the results of the personality test we had completed in session one which had already indicated some areas of conflicts.  If we ( more importantly Stephen ) could restructure / update his beliefs then the conflicts may be alleviated and the symptom reduced.  Stephen joked and said that he guessed once he had dealt with any conflicts then he would have ‘ no excuse than to lose the weight. ’

I wrote A +  B = C on my notice board.  I reassured Stephen that he would more than likely enjoy this exercise as I knew he liked playing golf.  I asked Stephen to describe to me his grip on a golf club and we came to the conclusion that it was better not to have too tighter grip on the club and I said that this ‘reality’ was what we were going to look at today in relation to Stephen’s core beliefs.  I said that as a child from 0-7 we imprint from our environment but from 7-14 we model ie.  we may take on the characteristics of an idol etc and we can often detect those characteristics in ourselves as adults.  In the same way we develop a belief system which we rely on because we think it keeps us safe however

as we mature into adulthood sometimes our belief system gets left behind and we end up relying on an out of date system which does not serve us as well as it could  -‘  I’m sure the golf clubs you play with now are not the same as the ones you played with 10 years ago – you replace and update them so that they serve your game better.’ 

So its important to understand the structure of a belief system so that we can then take it apart if we want to,  redesign it,  and put it back together to make it more efficient.  I explained that A was the activating event,  B was the belief and that C was the consequences and that this was the structure of a belief.

For example,  A could be that his mother had called and confirmed Friday night dinner / B could be the self-belief that Stephen had to eat all the food his mother placed in front of him and more or she would be offended and C that Stephen would drive home again ‘ feeling sick ’ thinking he could never break the cycle.  

We then discussed that if Stephen could ask himself questions at each point of A + B = C then he could update and change the belief if he chose to so that it became more helpful.  We did the exercise together asking things that challenged Stephen’s statement for example -

Did Stephen have to eat everything his mother gave him ?

Said Who ? What was the purpose ?

Would his mother really be offended ? Why/ How / What made Stephen think that way ?   would she always  be offended ? 

Could Stephen never break the cycle of eating and feeling sick – Why ? says Whom ? Could his parents come to Stephen’s family’s house for Friday night dinner /  what stopped them – and what would be the effect of the change ?

How do you think you could improve that ?

When would you like to be able to do this by ?

Why do you think it is so ? and so forth. 

We talked about How/ What / Why Stephen envisaged the Friday night dinner and How/ What / Why those consequences would change if he adjusted his belief even in a small way by for example realising that his mother made him lots of food because that is just the way she had been brought up to cook for Friday night – it was a cultural thing.  However she loved her son and would support him if he wanted to lose a few pounds and would not be offended at all if he ate less and did not take food home – we discussed waste not waist.  Stephen noticed that even tiny changes to his beliefs had greater effects on the consequences.

( NLP Meta Model Responses ).

We repeated this exercise with several beliefs until Stephen grasped it – in a nutshell, 

stop when you are aware a belief has hooked you,  break it down by asking questions – take all the time you need – and then reform it / update it so that it serves you more healthily ( NLP ).

Stephen enjoyed the idea of having control over his belief systems in the same way that he had control at work infact he said that he could see the value of the exercise in his sales job. We agreed that there was never a wrong answer since even the process was important and if when you put it back together the belief had changed considerably then that was fine too.

I was aware that we had worked very hard indeed and suggested that I gave Stephen something to take home that he would enjoy.  I showed him Doug O’Brien’s Sleight of Mouth ( 2004 ) Precision Model ( simplified version of the Meta Model in NLP ).  It was a piece of white card with two simple line drawn hands on it. I very much wanted to focus on Stephen’s hands because they were important for his golf and also for playing his guitar – he ‘ looked ’ to them intensely for both hobbies and I wanted to use this as a trigger to remind him about aspects of his therapy.

I had been watching Stephen carefully during this exercise to make sure that my lengthy explanation of it did not break rapport and at the end when it all came together he was quite stunned.  He liked it immensely – we discussed that eventually with practise he may not need the reminder sheet anymore and would instead simply look at his hands for assistance. If nothing else,  just looking at his hands should trigger a pause before any reaction in future so Stephen could think about what his various options were rather than simply reacting in a way he may have done historically.

I was aware that we had worked hard and suggested that we now sit back and relax which Stephen was happy to do. 

Extracts of the script follow :

‘…….and as you relax comfortably I am going to offer ideas and suggestions that will be most helpful in attaining deeper levels of relaxation and in controlling your desire for unhealthy foods…..it isn’t really necessary for you to pay close attention to what I say….you may involve yourself in your own thoughts….your own body feelings……your own sensations…….In it’s unique way your subconscious mind listens and responds to new learning and experiences…..’

‘…………….now you have a wonderful opportunity to associate relaxation of the body and mind with a relaxed attitude towards eating…..’

‘…….so many new things to learn how to do all at the same time and sometimes I just wanted to just give up because it was hard…….and some people do give up because things are hard……….but I know you play golf Stephen and I know you play it well so I know you can apply yourself….that you can learn new things and make them your own and that is how you have become such a good golfer……..and if you look back now what seemed to take a lifetime to learn only actually took a short while …..you became absorbed in it because you wanted it so much……..and some days your game is brilliant…….and some days you say to yourself it is as though you have never played before…..as if you have gone back to square one………but even Rory McIlroy has a bad day…..the key is to pick yourself up and get your game back on track….and only you can do this………you listen to the voice of the coach inside you reminding you of what you have learned…….new techniques…..loosen your grip……you don’t hold the club like that anymore……not if you want to improve your game……so soften your grip………’

‘……….and you take a deep breath in…..and as you breath slowly out you drive the ball perfectly again and find every fairway………….your friends clap and applaud you because they know you wanted this so much…….. on the green you stand……..and pause……and think……you wait until you are just right……..because standing and pausing and thinking is so important………so many things to consider……….and when you are just right you tap the ball perfectly into the hole…….’

‘……….and I do not know what the Clubhouse looks like at your golf club Stephen but I should imagine they have society days and seasonal competitions and Captain’s Prize days and Lady Captain’s Prize days……with lunches and dinners ……and even the half way house can be tempting……..and I’d like you to enjoy those lunches……enjoy them thoroughly…..and remember now that it is as easy to enjoy a small portion as it is a large portion…in fact those people who eat a small portion will enjoy a small portion much more than you would a large portion….and you really will because you won’t even feel guilty about that small portion….you’ll be perfectly delighted with it…….’

‘…..will it be because you simply forget to eat and have little patience with heavy meals because they make you feel sick ….’

‘….will certain foods that put on weight no longer appeal to you ? Will you discover the enjoyment of new foods and eating so that you’ll be surprised that you did lose weight because you really didn’t miss anything………at all……..…’

[ Extracts only ]

Stephen re-orientated well and we had a brief chat about the session and Rory McIlroy and golf.  I asked that Stephen continue to listen to my recordings include and re-charging his anchor and if he would consider writing a blog on my web page – he could change his name if he so wished – to keep a track of his daily thoughts not simply in relation to food but moreover his new approach to a healthier lifestyle which Stephen was happy to do.

I said I hoped he enjoyed his Friday night dinner tomorrow.

Thursday 6.30pm – 7.30pm.

Preparation –

Stephen had called earlier to say that he could only stay for an hour so I altered my session planning accordingly.  This was Stephen’s final session of the three however I knew that weight loss usually required at least three more sessions which Stephen was welcome to book should he so wish.  I wanted to talk about locus of control with Stephen today as he was still relying quite heavily on the opinions of others ( external ) which was inevitably causing conflict within him as opposed to relying on himself ( internal).

His understanding of his therapy varied between conscious incompetence ( he was aware of what he was trying to do ) and conscious competence ( he was aware of what he had to do and was actually doing ) and he was ‘enjoying the ride.’ He was doing his homework tasks and had kept a daily blog on my website which illustrated that he felt the therapy was more about personal growth and change than a diet.  He had lost weight and moreover he did not feel as though he was on a diet.

I loaded my Google Body Browser onto my computer.  It is an amazing programme that shows the image of a computer generated woman first in simple clothes and then with each click a layer is removed to reveal tastefully her naked body,  then her muscles then blood circulatory system,  nervous system ( parasympathetic and sympathetic ),  internal organs and respiratory system and finally her skeleton.  I challenge anyone to look at it and not feel a bit guilty about how we treat such an amazing thing – ie our body. 

The aim of today was very much to continue focussing Stephen’s attention on Stephen internally so that he could trust and rely on and ‘love’ himself.

The Session –

Stephen was very pleased to say that he had lost weight and was feeling more confident than he had done in a long time.  He had played golf at the weekend and eaten bananas at the half way house with no problem at all infact he had enjoyed the decision making process.  He had not felt sick coming back from his mothers and whilst his wife had brought back left over dessert he had not had any  – his mother and wife were very supportive of his weight loss.

I wanted to focus Stephen’s attention on the session so I had purposefully left my computer on and it showed the Google Body Browser image at skeletal level which immediately caught his attention.  He actually had heard about it from a friend which gave me the ideal opportunity to show it to him.  I clicked through the various levels and it – as always – had the desired effect.  There were a lot of comments about the miracle and complexity of the human body.  I did not need to make my point – Stephen is an intelligent man and the message was clear.

As we only had an hour I said that I would like to do an exercise with Stephen to illustrate clearly what was meant by external and internal locus of control and the implications of both on how an individual perceives their environment.  It went some way to explaining and understanding conflicts which was the core of Stephen’s treatment.  He was happy to do the exercise so I asked him 30 questions ( John Glanville 2007 ) related to finding your locus of control which he answered agree / disagree to.  

For example,  ‘ My life is strongly influenced by other people / I often say fingers crossed and touch wood when I need extra help etc ( external locus ) and ‘ The cold dark winter months can make me feel down and depressed / It doesn’t matter if you walk under a ladder, nothing will happen to you ( internal locus ) etc.

We discussed the questions and what they really meant and how by changing Stephen’s perspective his focus could start to become more inward and less dependent on people / things that he actually had no control over at all.  We discussed that externally focussed people for example believe that they do not have the internal resources and abilities to adapt and make changes, they need outside help – we used Stephen’s newly learned skills of asking challenging questions like How / What / Why / Should ?/ Never ?/  always (NLP) and the precision model that he had taken home and as he went through the questions he got quicker and quicker at deciphering meaning and relating it to his life in general. He was especially interested to read that externally focussed people were more likely to be over weight for their age ( since they were relying on food to replace something ). 

Stephen did more and more of the talking which was excellent and where he struggled I asked that he bring in his Warrior or Settler or Nomad archetype ( first session ) to ‘help’ him which was fascinating. 

It was a thought provoking exercise that very much helped Stephen look at normal every day things from a different and more healthy point of view ( thus causing less conflict and stress ). We discussed that internally focussed people generally don’t focus on negative experiences or emotions and look forward to the next ‘challenge.’

We talked about Stephen progressing from unconscious incompetence to conscious incompetence to conscious competence and finally unconscious competence ( doing what he had chosen to do without being aware he was doing it – automatically ). That Stephen had to watch out for what was hooking his attention and pause for a moment and break down whatever his thought process was to make sure it was serving him in a healthy way. I quoted him one of my favourite quote from Jill Bolte-Taylor ( My Stroke of Insight ) that responsibility should be written ‘response-ability’ which Stephen grasped immediately.

We had worked hard and concluded the session with relaxation.  I wanted to concentrate on Stephen trusting Stephen and also his awareness and respect for influencing factors in his life. I did a gentle muscle relaxation induction with Stephen followed by hypnosis.

Extracts of the script follow :

‘………….while you are resting in this very pleasant way ….I want you to imagine something…….I want you to imagine that you are looking at a steel ball……resting at the top of a gentle slope…..’

‘……..Just imagine that now……you’re looking at a steel ball…..resting at the top of a gentle slope…and as you look at it…so the ball begins to roll slowly down that slope………it moves slowly…and flows a very straight course as it moves……….’

‘….and off to one side of the track…..you can see a strong magnet….’

‘……..and as the ball is rolling towards the magnet…..so it enters into the magnetic field….and the magnet pulls on the steel ball…..not enough to make it stick to it…but enough to make it change its course…..The steel ball is now rolling in a completely different direction from its original path…….’

‘……The result has been that you have felt uncomfortable….it has not felt right………’

‘……….so lets see what can be done about it……….Let’s return to our picture of the steel ball and make a few changes…..’

‘….It is not your purpose in life to become a carbon copy of someone else………..You are an individual in your own right…….You have your own opinions….you have your own personality…………..So as you rest there now just imagine yourself as being strong……strong enough to withstand the influences of other people…..strong enough to stand on your own two feet…….’

[ Extracts only ]

Stephen re-orientated well and we had a brief discussion – he said that he very much liked the image of the steel ball.  It actually reminded him of an ornament in his garden which would form a convenient trigger if he needed it.

I encouraged Stephen to carry on using his anchor ( self hypnosis ),  to listen to the recordings and the hypnosis tracks,  he agreed to maintain his blog on my website as he was enjoying the process and he booked another three sessions.

I was keen to congratulate Stephen on his progress and especially his commitment to tasks I had set him outside the therapy session which I felt were very important and linked to his success. He had totally ‘ bought into ’the treatment process and his commitment had been excellent.

Thankyou for reading Stephen’s story.  If you would like to speak to me about any aspects of the programme please call when you are ready.  Stephen’s success came out of a true commitment to the treatment process.  There is no obligation to book an appointment when we speak.  I look forward very much to speaking to you. 

Contact : Fiona 07968 106113